How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
