well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
