bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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