On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
