oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
