4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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