I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
