after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am available for nakedness
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
