if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
