Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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