Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
