I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish i was in the wii world.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
