You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
