Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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