My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
