I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize