Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
