Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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