So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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