Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize