I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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