Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
