i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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