I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
