If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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