yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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