i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
