It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
