I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
