You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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