If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
