I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
