census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
