Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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