I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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