im about as happy as oj after his trial
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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