I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
