so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk is not a location!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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