So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
