is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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