careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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