My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
