I wish I could teleport
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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