We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
