i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
