people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
