is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
