Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
