dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
