It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
