Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
